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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27765685">When Last Is Better than First</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Onecelestialbeing/pseuds/Onecelestialbeing'>Onecelestialbeing</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Rape/Non-con Elements</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 22:35:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,390</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27765685</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Onecelestialbeing/pseuds/Onecelestialbeing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Events force Inuyasha and Kagome to discuss their current relationship and what may come of it in the future.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Higurashi Kagome/InuYasha</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>68</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>When Last Is Better than First</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Never did I think I'd be writing for this fandom, and I'm pissed that it took me so long to watch Inuyasha. Also Yashahime is driving me up a damn wall. Anyway this short story was inspired by an old doujinshi I came across. I didn't care for how it ended so I decided to tell my own version of it. But since I can't draw anything besides stick figures, you only get a story with no art.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It took Kagome longer than usual to fall asleep that night. Inuyasha had disappeared for a good chunk of the afternoon without a word to anyone, but they all knew who he was with. When he finally came back shortly before dinner, Kagome was too angry to speak to him. Of course, he made zero effort to apologize for his thoughtlessness and behaved as though she had no right to be upset. </p><p>Now she was being shaken awake, and that annoyed her. Then she heard someone softly calling her name. Kagome thought she was dreaming at first. But when she managed to open her eyes, she found Inuyasha couched beside her, his amber eyes glowing in the dark. </p><p>“Come with me,” he told her in a hushed tone, which immediately set her nerves on edge. Inuyasha was rarely quiet so for him to talk so softly was alarming.</p><p>“Inuyasha?” she whispered. “What’s wrong? It’s the middle of the night.”</p><p>He didn’t say anything else. Instead he stepped back, avoiding Sango who slept inches away from Kagome’s sleeping bag.<br/>
“Okay, I’m coming. I just need my shoes.”</p><p>“Don’t worry about them. I’ll carry you.”</p><p>“… all right.”</p><p>Kagome slowly stood up, careful to not wake Shippo who was splayed at the head of her futon, and followed Inuyasha outside the hut. Her body was still warm from sleep and the insulated sleeping bag, and she shivered in the night air. Inuyasha noticed this and drop his fire rat around her shoulders before picking up Kagome and darting off into the night.</p><p>“Where are we going?” she asked as Inuyasha began walking away from the village and towards the forest. She now realized that he’d gone through her backpack at some point, because the blanket she used for them to sit upon at mealtimes was tucked at his side.</p><p>“You’ll see when we get there.”</p><p>Kagome truly didn’t understand all the secrecy and cryptic answers, but she trusted Inuyasha enough to know there was no danger involved. He would have never left Kaede’s village with her, or without telling the others if there was some sort of threat. </p><p>When they finally arrived at the sacred tree, Kagome was set down. She stood shivering in the dark, mostly out of nerves, watching Inuyasha as he spread her blanket on the ground. Once he was finished he grabbed Kagome by the hand and tugged until she sat down with him.</p><p>She was about to sit next to him, but Inuyasha directed her to sit in his lap. This was so uncharacteristic for him, and Kagome wondered if he was prone to a bout of sentimental display as the new moon was near. But then he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulled her against his chest and buried his face into her hair. </p><p>“I know you’re angry that I saw Kikyo today.” </p><p>Kagome stiffened upon hearing that name. </p><p>Kikyo, Kikyo. Everything’s about Kikyo, she fumed inwardly. Why can I never be put first without some sort of comparison to her?</p><p>Her pulse began racing immediately from anger, and she was sure Inuyasha could hear it because his arms tightened around her and he moved his head to the nape of her neck.</p><p>
  <i>Is that it? Is he not going to apologize for taking off yet again without a word and then ignoring me when he returned?</i>
</p><p>“I’m not angry that you saw her, I’m angry because you continue to ignore my feelings.”</p><p>A claw-tipped hand suddenly brushed her hair to one side and lips descended upon her neck, and Kagome forgot about her anger. </p><p>This wasn’t fair. Inuyasha was not playing fairly.</p><p>Kagome had zero idea her neck was so sensitive, and the sensation of fangs grazing her pulse didn’t help. She hadn’t expected any of the sensations and they made her body jerk hard against the hanyou. </p><p>“What are you doing? Now you decided that you want me?” Kagome asked bitterly, gasping sharply when tongue replaced fangs, causing her to tremble. “Why the sudden change?”</p><p>“Do you want me to stop?” he asked quietly, and Kagome had to put thought into her answer. </p><p>“N-no,” she finally admitted, biting hard on her bottom lip when an open mouth kiss was now placed upon her pulse. </p><p>Part of Kagome wanted him to stop; but the other part of her wanted to keep going. This was a million times better than the chaste kiss they’d shared at Kaguya’s castle, if that even counted considering she’d done it to stop his demon transformation. On top of that, it didn’t sit right with her that Inuyasha felt comfortable with seeing Kikyo in the light of day but stealing away with her like a thief in the night. </p><p>Regardless of all that, Kagome would have made a liar of herself if she were to say that she hadn’t pictured herself and Inuyasha intimately pressed together.<br/>
Yet it wasn’t as though she actually expected it to happen, and if so, no time soon. If someone had told her this night would happen, she would have called them a liar. But the reality was she and Inuyasha were alone in the forest, curled up together on her blanket and closer than they’d ever been. </p><p>Eventually she felt long fingers curl under her chin and direct her face up, and Kagome allowed Inuyasha to give her the sort of kiss she’d dreamt about. He didn’t choke her with his tongue or merely scrape his lips across hers; the tip of his tongue gently teased hers, followed by him gently sucking on her bottom lip, and that was enough to leave her core throbbing. Kagome had no idea one could become aroused from a mere kiss but here it was, and she needed to press her thighs together to quell that ache.</p><p>Kagome now understood why Inuyasha wanted to be alone with her. He was not the sort of person who was comfortable with public displays of affection, and she was shy so this sort of privacy was fine, even if a bit unconventional. </p><p>She could have spent the entire night in his arms if it meant being kissed this way. But apparently Inuyasha had more than kissing on his mind, because his hand slid beneath the voluminous folds of his suikan that still enveloped her upper half. He easily found her breast and cupped it through her pajamas. Kagome moaned into his mouth in a mixture of shock and arousal, but she didn’t stop him.  </p><p>She still allowed him to continue when that hand shifted to make its way under her pajama top. The heat emanating from his palm left goosebumps along her torso, and she was embarrassed when two nimble fingers pinched her very erect nipple. </p><p>The moonlit forest seemed like a strange place for a rendezvous, but now Kagome was grateful for the seclusion. Inuyasha continued playing with her breasts, now using both hands, and each time he circled a callused digit around her nipples it made her softly cry out. </p><p>When Inuyasha moved his right hand from beneath her shirt, Kagome wanted to protest but then he placed it at the clothed apex of her thighs. He pushed them apart and somehow knew to press directly upon her clitoris with just enough pressure and her entire body went rigid. She wanted to demand he tell her the extent of his sexual experience, but another shift of his hand had her mouth gaped open like a fish.</p><p>Kagome had zero warning when she was suddenly flipped onto her back. Before she had time to react, Inuyasha was on top of her, his long hair in her face and his lips pressed hard upon hers. </p><p>All the while he fumbled to unbutton her pajama top, and Kagome flinched when she heard a small ripping sound followed by the snap of a lost button. There wasn’t much she could say or do about it, however, as she was still trapped beneath his kiss and lean body.  When he was done with the buttons he shifted, pulling Kagome upright to disrobe her upper half, and she trembled upon feeling Inuyasha’s nenju and hadagi brush against her bare skin.</p><p>“That’s better,” he murmured, pushing on her shoulder until her back met the blanket, along with her fallen top and his suikan. “Hmm, although on second thought, might as well get rid of these now.”</p><p>Clawed fingers suddenly grasped the waistband of her pajama pants and underwear, and a second later her bottom half was completely exposed.<br/>
The abrupt loss of warmth made Kagome clamp her legs together and wrap her arms around her torso. She thought it was totally inconsiderate for Inuyasha to strip her naked in the breeze without permission or a care in the world. </p><p>“Cold? Keh, you humans. Don’t worry about it, I’ll warm you up soon enough.” </p><p>She bristled at that comment about humans, yet watched as Inuyasha settled back on his haunches and fiddled with the knot in his hakama. There was a smooth flurry of activity as he undid the straps, and the garment fell slack around his hips. Inuyasha’s hadagi was also open, and she had a full view of his lean, muscular torso, leading down to something she wasn’t sure she was ready to see. </p><p>The sight of his exposed body was cut short, because Inuyasha placed his hands on her knees and pushed her legs apart. Once he was settled between her thighs again, he aligned his body with hers and began kissing her once more.</p><p>That’s when she felt it—his bared erection against her cleft, its damp tip bumping into the sensitive bit of flesh at the top. That sent a shudder through her body, and while Kagome wanted to protest about her lack of birth control or the like, she wanted him to continue pressing that thick length against her. </p><p>She and her friends shared many a meal atop this blanket and it didn’t seem right to now be lying atop it, completely naked. Inuyasha had her practically pinned to the blanket; he’d used one hand to keep her wrists in place above her head, while his other hand strayed between her legs. His breath was heavy against her neck as his palm pressed and rubbed against her crotch, and Kagome felt a slight sense of shame as arousal creeped up and made her writhe along with that touch.</p><p>“You like this, don’t you?” he asked in an oddly husky voice. “I can smell you all over me.”</p><p>Yes, I like it! Why do you need to embarass me by pointing it out! Kagome raged inside her head, her moan becoming lost to the open mouth clamped over hers.</p><p>“Fine, Kikyo, keep your secrets.”</p><p>Kagome couldn’t believe it; did she really hear that? Did he actually call her Kikyo? </p><p>She tried screaming for him to get off her, but they came out as angry little squeaks against his lips. Before she had the chance to wrestle her face away from his, Inuyasha had reached down to align himself with her entrance and destroyed her heart and innocence with a single solid push. </p><p>Yes, she was wet, but she was nowhere near aroused enough to allow for penetration, and the jagged, too fast movement of his hips had her wailing into his mouth in agony.</p><p>She knew she loved Inuyasha, that much was certain, even if at times it seemed unrequited. And she had thought about him being her first on numerous occasions.<br/>
But not like this, and definitely not while being called another woman’s name.</p><p>“Ow! Ouch, Inuyasha, that hurts!” Kagome sobbed, futilely shoving wherever she could reach. “Take it out, it hurts!”</p><p>Inuyasha wouldn’t stop; the only thing he did was tighten his hold on her wrists, hook one arm beneath a knee, force her thighs apart even more with his hips and shove himself deeper. </p><p>“Inuyasha, stop! Please stop!”</p><p>Every heavy thrust felt like fire, and Kagome wondered if sex could leave one split in two. At least, that’s what it felt like. Kagome was in disbelief this was happening; it felt like Inuyasha had torn something inside her, and everything hurt so badly she could barely breathe. </p><p>No matter how much yelled that he was hurting her, twisting to get away and pushing at him, Inuyasha’s solid body had her completely pinned and his deep thrusts were relentless and unstopping. Kagome finally realized it was futile to try and get away, and her arms fell slack at her head. </p><p>This couldn’t be happening. Never in a million years did she think Inuyasha would hurt her in this way. She wanted to sob and yell out into the darkened forest, but her tears streamed continuously and silently down her face, leaving damp spots on the blanket beneath her head. </p><p>Inuyasha’s thrusts became jerky, and he began shuddering against her before pulling out so fast that it caused as much pain as his initial thrust. He grabbed his cock in one hand, roughly thrusting into it a few times before spurting his release onto her abdomen, all the while calling out Kikyo’s name. </p><p>The throbbing, squeezing fiery sensation between her legs was the only thing Kagome could focus on. For a brief moment she felt a hint of relief, thinking that Inuyasha was done with her, but then he pulled her into his lap, settling back on his heels and roughly pushing her hips around until his still erect cock found her entrance again and brutally traveled that tender path once more. </p><p>Kagome howled in anguish that time. The first go round had been horrible enough, but now it felt like every nerve ending she owned was aflame and she wanted to die. Spit, snot and tears wet her face and none of it seemed to make a difference to Inuyasha, because he shoved his tongue into her open mouth and tried to force a kiss anyway. The grip on her body was inhumanely tight, his claws threatening to draw blood, and still Kagome didn’t bother with trying to untangle herself from Inuyasha’s arms. By now she knew it didn’t matter what she said or did, he had no intention of letting her go until he’d satisfied his selfish needs.</p><p>“Stop crying,” she heard him order, his tongue just as rough as the cock plunging into her abused body. “Stop crying, dammit!”</p><p>Inuyasha continued chastising her all the while hurting her, and the only thing Kagome could do was dig her nails into her palms and pray that he would soon be finished.<br/>
Her prayers were soon answered, because Inuyasha let go of her so suddenly that she tumbled back onto the blanket, her limbs askew. Inuyasha called out Kikyo’s name again as he spilled onto her skin again, but this time she felt him slump sideways and half on her legs once he was through, panting and trying to catch his breath. </p><p>While Kagome lay curled into a little ball, thighs and belly wet with her blood and his come, sniffling as she waited for the pain in her lower half to subside, she tried her best to figure out what just happened.</p><p>Had Inuyasha been possessed? </p><p>Was this another one of Naraku’s twisted plans to pervert and distort the bond between them, the way he’d done with Kikyo? </p><p>But as much as Kagome wanted to believe that Inuyasha had been possessed, the truth was she hadn’t sensed Naraku’s or any other demon’s involvement. Inuyasha’s youkai could not be blamed either; there was no way she would ever forget those amber eyes locked with hers as he forced himself into her untouched body. </p><p>“Kagome.” When she didn’t answer, Inuyasha repeated himself. “Kagome, are you all right? Stop crying.”</p><p>She didn’t realize that she was still crying, and now feeling the sobs emanating deep from the pit of her stomach, Kagome was unable to stop. She curled in tighter on herself, choking on air as she felt pain in nearly every muscle, likely from holding herself taut for so long while trying to avoid the burn of Inuyasha’s stinging thrusts. </p><p>No, she wasn’t all right. And it was audacious of him to demand that she stop crying, as though he was not responsible for her tears. </p><p>She then heard Inuyasha sigh and felt him stand up. There was the rustling sound of fabric, likely him dealing with the straps of his hakama again. Then there was the sound of retreating footsteps on the forest ground, and she knew that he’d left. </p><p>Kagome didn’t care if anyone heard or found her by that point. She couldn’t believe that Inuyasha lured her out here, forced himself on her, humiliated her by calling out another woman’s name while violating her in the worse way possible, and then left her naked and alone on the cold, hard ground. </p><p>The air was extra frigid against her sweaty skin, and Kagome began shivering. She wanted to pull a corner of the blanket over her body, but it hurt too much to move. </p><p>The sound of returning footsteps made her gasp, and then she flinched when she felt a hand pushing her to lie flat, followed by a cold wet cloth touching her skin. </p><p>What the…? Was he actually cleaning her? Or just trying to conceal his mess so as to hide it from the others?</p><p>It was an odd sensation to feel intense pain but also numbness at the same time. Kagome wanted to yell at Inuyasha, make him sit until he was at the earth’s core, and forbid him to ever touch her again. Yet she remained silent as he dragged the cloth across her abdomen, before moving to her inner thigh. </p><p>Even though she could not speak, her body still recoiled upon feeling the cloth touching her swollen, tender labia. Inuyasha seemed to understand that she could not take that area being touched, and he moved the cloth back to her thigh, ensuring to wipe away every trace of himself. </p><p>“Come on, I’ll take you back to Kaede’s,” he told her, standing up. </p><p>Kagome exhaled hard a few times before managing to sit up. She moved to stand so she could hurriedly redress, but the weakness in her thighs said otherwise and she collapsed back upon the blanket. </p><p>“I… I can’t stand up,” she whispered, lowering her face to hide behind her hair. </p><p>Inuyasha was surprisingly gentle as he helped redress her. He even offered to carry her the way one would hold sleeping child as she could not part her aching legs to ride his back. </p><p>Silent tears poured down Kagome’s face as Inuyasha slowly walked them back to the village. He was strangely quiet, as though he hadn’t just raped her, and Kagome barely made a sound. When they were back at Kaede’s hut, he deposited Kagome atop her sleeping bag and turn to leave without another word. </p><p><i>I want to go home,</i> she thought mournfully, pressing her face hard into her sleeping bag so as to muffle her sobs. <i>I can’t stand this place anymore.</i> </p><p>Kagome continued crying into the fabric until she fell into a fitful sleep. Then she felt someone grab both her shoulders and she flailed, causing them to cry out as they fell with a loud thud.</p><p>“Kagome! Fuck, ouch! What the fu—” </p><p>“Stay there, I’ll wake her up.”</p><p>A stronger pair of hands grabbed onto her wrists and forced he to sit up, and Kagome broke out of her sleep with a blood-curdling yell. Tears ran down her face as she tried to break free from the person holding her. </p><p>“Kagome, it’s me! You’re having a nightmare. Wake up!”</p><p>She finally managed to open her eyes and found Sango kneeing over her, keeping a firm grasp on her wrists. </p><p>“Are you all right?” her friend asked, visibly disturbed. </p><p>Kagome opened her mouth to explain, but the words got stuck in her throat. </p><p>Did the night in the forest with Inuyasha actually happen, or had it merely been some horrible nightmare? </p><p>“Shippo, can you get Kagome some water?” Sango asked, turning around to the trembling kitsune. </p><p>“Okay,” he replied shakily, walking across the hut to the bucket. </p><p>“Thanks, Shippo,” Kagome told him after Shippo made two trips with the ladle. The cool water helped restore some of her awareness, and Kagome realized that her face was still wet with tears. </p><p>“Shippo, go outside with the others,” Sango told him, watching as Kagome roughly dried her face on her sleeve. </p><p>“Where is everyone?” Kagome finally asked, looking around at the empty hut. </p><p>“Kaede’s off to help one of the villagers with their sick child, and I told Miroku and Inuyasha to go make themselves useful and start breakfast.”</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>“Kagome, do you remember what you were dreaming about?”</p><p>She was clearly hesitant to speak, and Sango cut in. </p><p>“Did it have something to do with Inuyasha?” When Kagome flinched at hearing his name, a strange expression came over Sango’s face. “You were screaming his name in your sleep, but not in a… good way. You sounded absolutely terrified. He was the one who tried waking you up first, but I think you woke up for a second and panicked when you saw him because you shoved him away.”</p><p>“Can I ask you something? It’s going to sound strange but… did I leave the hut during the night?” Kagome asked, nervously pulling at the sleeping bag. </p><p>“You were here the whole night. Why?”</p><p>“Nothing. It’s just…”</p><p>Kagome paused and peered down at her pajamas. The top was intact and had all its buttons. </p><p>
  <i>Okay, so it was just a dream.</i>
</p><p>“it’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it,” Sango reassured after Kagome remained silent for a few minutes. “But if you do at some point, I’ll listen.”</p><p>“Thanks, Sango.”</p><p>Kagome kept reminding herself that everything had been nothing but an awful dream, yet it still wasn’t enough to shake her uneasiness. When she finally went outside to join her friends, she saw the back of Inuyasha. He and Miroku were arguing, something about Miroku making the rice incorrectly. </p><p>“Kagome, tell this idiot he doesn’t know how to cook,” Inuyasha said when Kagome approached them. “What’s wrong with you?”</p><p>She hadn’t meant to, but Kagome flinched when Inuyasha spun around in her direction. Now she was having trouble looking him in the eye, and even Miroku noticed.<br/>
When she didn’t answer, all the while maintaining her distance from Inuyasha, he took it personally and demanded to know what her problem was. Yet Kagome remained silent and walked away without looking at him or Miroku. </p><p>Kagome’s mood hadn’t improved by that evening, or the next afternoon. Shippo even tried to cheer her up, and when that failed, he knew something was seriously wrong. </p><p>“It’s probably Inuyasha’s fault,” Shippo told Miroku as they sat under a tree after lunch. Kagome and Sango were off with Kaede to help with sorting herbs, leaving the three behind.</p><p>“I didn’t do anything, dammit!” Inuyasha swore from his tree branch. He’d taken to pouting in that same spot after Kagome continuously gave him the silent treatment. </p><p>“Hah, that you remember!” Shippo pointed out, yelping when he thought the hanyou was about to leap down.</p><p>“Kagome’s been off ever since she woke up yelling yesterday morning,” Miroku mused, “but Shippo does have a point. Are you sure you haven’t done anything to upset her?” </p><p>“I…hmph!” Inuyasha trailed off, at a loss for words. </p><p>“He does so much he probably doesn’t even remember,” Shippo mutterred, which Inuyasha heard. That made him jump down from his branch and he reached around Miroku to hit the kitsune on the head. </p><p>Miroku was in the middle of trying to dodge their squabbles when Kagome approached the group, her backpack in hand. </p><p>“Hey,” she said softly without looking up. “I don’t feel well so I’m going home for a bit. I just wanted to give you all the last of the snacks I had before going.”</p><p>Shippo was immediately distracted by the handful of lollipops he was given, yet Miroku and Inuyasha were not so easily swayed. Miroku accepted his snacks with thanks, but Inuyasha took his chips while glaringly accusingly at Kagome.</p><p>“You’re sick again?! Why don’t you just ask Kaede for something!” he yelled, losing his temper. When Kagome didn’t yell back, a sure sign that something was definitely wrong, his amber eyes went wide. </p><p>“Well? What are you standing there for?” Miroku chastised, looking at a dumbfounded Inuyasha who watched Kagome hurrying away from them. “Go after her!”</p><p>“Wha—why?!”</p><p>“Why do you think!” Miroku nudged the back of Inuyasha’s legs with his staff, prodding him in Kagome’s direction. “Whatever you did, you need to make right.”</p><p>“You’re a helluva one to talk, monk!”</p><p>“Yes, but right now Sango isn’t upset with me.”</p><p>Inuyasha had more to get off his chest, but right now he had more pressing issues to deal with. By the time he caught up with Kagome, she was a few feet from the well.<br/>
“What’s the matter?” he asked, sounding more pissed off than anything. “Why do you need to go back to your time for a little twinge?”</p><p>“I…” Kagome’s mouth suddenly went dry and she sat on the edge of the well to steady herself. “I just need to go home.”</p><p>“Keh, whatever it is you can fix it here,” Inuyasha told her, grabbing the backpack’s strap. But Kagome yanked it out his hand, and this time her eyes were filled with tears and flashing angrily at him. </p><p>“JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! I SAID I NEED TO GO HOME!” she shrieked, tossing the backpack down the well without a second thought about breaking its contents. “NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU, INUYASHA! YOU’VE GOT KIKYO AND SHE CAN SEE THE JEWEL SHARDS SO YOU DON’T NEED ME!”</p><p>Kagome’s voice had grown higher and shriller with each word, and although Inuyasha had been yelled at by her before, there was something different this time and it left him on edge. Her face was pale and she emanated a distinct smell of fear and pain. Inuyasha had zero clue what caused this change but he wanted to snap the neck of whoever was responsible for her anguish. </p><p>“Kagome, did something happen? Did someone hurt you?” he asked, confused and at wit’s end. “C’mon, tell me.”</p><p>“Yes,” she told him, breaking down into tears. “It was you.”</p><p>With that, she turned and fled down the well, leaving behind a perplexed Inuyasha. </p><p>************************************</p><p>The moment she got home, Kagome dropped her backpack next to her shoes in the genkan and fled to the bathroom. There she promptly lost the contents of her stomach. She was still huddled on the floor when her mother found her. </p><p>“Kagome? Are you all right?”</p><p>Kagome muttered something about an upset stomach, which wasn’t far from the truth. Mrs. Higurashi suggested that she likely ate something that didn’t agree with her, and told Kagome to rest and she’d bring her something to settle her stomach.</p><p>After showering and changing into clean pajamas, Kagome sought refuge in her bed where she remained for the rest of the day. She slept off and on until evening when Mrs. Higurashi brought up a bowl of rice porridge for dinner. </p><p>By the next day, she felt a little better physically but mentally she was still drained. Kagome kept to her bed once more, but sleeping for most of the day caused her to wake up in the middle of the night. She had just turned over when she saw her open window and a pair of amber eyes peering at her through the dark. </p><p>“Inuyasha?”</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>"Are you still mad at me?” he asked sadly. She noticed that he no longer sounded obstinate; instead he seemed genuinely contrite. </p><p>“I… I don’t know,” she answered honestly. “Come inside before you catch a cold.”</p><p>“Keh, you know I don’t get sick,” he muttered, but he did jump from the window, close it, and sit on the floor across from her. “What happened the other day?”<br/>
“What do you mean?”</p><p>“I know you were pissed that I saw Kikyo, but that wasn’t the only thing. You were scared of me. I’d never hurt you; you know that, right?”</p><p>“Maybe not intentionally,” Kagome admitted, hugging her pillow to her chest. </p><p>“What?”</p><p>Kagome sighed. “You hurt me without trying. Physically yes, I know you’d never intentionally harm me, but you do in other ways.”</p><p>Inuyasha looked as though he truly didn’t understand, and Kagome continued. </p><p>“Look, I know that you love Kikyo. Aside from that, I know you have to deal with her because of all this stuff with Naraku. I get it. I just wish that you’d consider my feelings more often. How would you feel if I went running to Koga every time I heard he was nearby?”</p><p>“Fuck that wolf boy!”</p><p>“Exactly. Now imagine that Koga was my first love and it was shoved into your face day in and out, and I constantly went off to see him without a word to you or anyone else. Imagine you came to visit me and found me in his arms. How would you feel?”</p><p>“So what are you saying, that you don’t want me to talk to Kikyo anymore?”</p><p>Kagome growled, the sound eerily reminiscent of Inuyasha and he looked scared yet impressed at the same time. </p><p>“No, Inuyasha, that’s not what I’m saying. I’m just trying to point out that I would likely feel better about the whole Kikyo situation if you were more upfront with me. I know how I feel about you, and I understand that it doesn’t necessarily mean you return my feelings, but you say and do things that makes me think you do. Then you turn around and…” </p><p>Kagome paused when she felt a lump in her throat. She knew she was about to cry, and bit down hard on her lip to maintain her resolve.</p><p>“How do you think it feels for you to chase away a guy who says they love me, any guy who comes near me, while you chase behind another woman who we all know you openly love, yet turn around and treat me like second fiddle? Sometimes I think you care about me, but other times I feel like the only thing I’m good for is bringing you food and finding jewel shards. And as much as I complain about school and exams, how do you think it feels for you to quickly disregard my future here while you plan out yours over there? What happens once we find all the shards, are you going to move on and share a life with Kikyo while I’m stuck here trying to pick up the pieces of mine all because I put everything on hold to help you? I’ll tell you how it feels—it hurts.”</p><p>Kagome exhaled hard once she finished. It had been uncomfortable to speak her truth, but now she was glad to get everything off her chest. Being honest was hard for her, especially when it came to those she loved, but perhaps sitting in the dark made things easier. </p><p>“I… had no idea. I’m sorry, Kagome.”</p><p>There was an awkward length of silence, and Inuyasha was the first to break it.</p><p>“What happened the morning I woke you up? I feel like there’s more you’re not telling me.”</p><p>Details of that too vivid dream instantly came back to mind, not that they’d ever really left, and Kagome shook her head. </p><p>“I don’t want to talk about it.”</p><p>“You were yelling my name, Kagome. You sounded scared of me. I think we need to talk about it.”</p><p>“It’s…awful,” she said quietly, wishing that she had been able to forget. </p><p>“Tell me anyway.”</p><p>Kagome wanted to refuse again, but something told her she might as well get it over with now. Inuyasha would only keep pestering her until she told him. </p><p>So she told him, including every explicit detail she could remember. </p><p>By the time she was finished, Kagome felt like she was going to be sick again. She wanted to hit Inuyasha for making her relive that awful nightmare. Yet she was shocked to hear muffled sobs reaching her ears through the dark. </p><p>Was he crying?	</p><p>“D-do you really think me capable of such an abysmal thing? To you of all people?” he managed to get out, his voice muffled as though his face was buried in his sleeve. “Fucking hell, Kagome, I’d sooner off myself than hurt you, especially like that of all ways!”</p><p>“I know…” Kagome trailed off in a cracked voice. She’d been hugging her pillow to her chest while recounting her dream. Now she placed it back on the bed and slid down to the floor, moving until her fingertips met Inuyasha’s suikan. At some point he’d turned around, as though not wanting to face her crying even if they were in the dark. Slowly she slid her arms around him and enveloped him in a hug from the back, leaning her head against his. It was a few minutes before his arms met hers, and Inuyasha drew her in tighter.</p><p>“I’m supposed to be comforting you,” he told her after clearing his throat. </p><p>Kagome shrugged against him and buried her face in his shoulder. </p><p>The two sat like that for a while until Inuyasha asked if they could switch positions. Kagome absolutely didn’t mind and she moved to sit in Inuyasha’s lap with her back against his chest. </p><p>In spite of the weird past couple days, the feel of her body being nestled within the voluminous sleeves of his suikan along with the earthy, woodsy scent that clung to his skin and hair was immensely comforting. Inuyasha buried his nose in her hair, inhaling deeply a few times before resting his cheek atop her head. </p><p>“Are you still upset with me? Kagome asked him.</p><p>“Keh, like I could ever really be upset with you. Besides, I think I’m the one who should be asking you that.”</p><p>“I’m fine,” she told him, exhaling contentedly when Inuyasha began tracing his thumb across her wrist. </p><p>“Are you fine, or are we fine?”</p><p>“Both, I think.”</p><p>The two sat in comfortable silence. Kagome didn’t realize that they both ended up falling asleep until a cramp in her foot woke her up. </p><p>“Inuyasha?”</p><p>“Hmm?”</p><p>“Let’s get up. My legs are falling asleep.”</p><p>“Oh. Did you want me to go?”</p><p>“No, I want to go back to sleep but I want you next to me. Only this time you’re not hogging my entire bed.”</p><p>“I can sleep on the floor if you want,” he offered. “I don’t mind.”</p><p>“No, because right now I want to be close to you and I’m not sleeping on my floor.”</p><p>Inuyasha had to help her stand up and Kagome stretched, trying to work out the pins and needles sensation in her calves. She then climbed into bed and waited for Inuyasha. There was a rustling sound as he took off his firerat and dropped it at the side of her bed, followed by the thud of what she guessed was his sheathed Tessaiga being placed atop it. </p><p>When he was finally done, Inuyasha lay atop the blankets and pulled Kagome into his arms. She rested her head against his shoulder, leaving on arm draped across his chest. They’d never slept this closely before, but both were quietly surprised at how natural it felt. </p><p>The peacefulness of her bedroom and the comforting feel of lying in Inuyasha’s arms soon had Kagome drowsy again. She had just closed her eyes when she heard him call her name.</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“I want to tell you something but I don’t want you to be mad at me.”</p><p>That didn’t sound comforting but Kagome took a deep breath and braced herself for the worst. “Okay.” </p><p>“I know you said Kikyo is my first love, and that is true, but you’re my last. Besides, she ain’t you. I just thought you should know that.”</p><p>Kagome definitely had not been expecting that confession, and she buried her face into Inuyasha’s chest and hugged him. </p><p>“One last thing and then I promise to be quiet—that dream of yours was horrible and I’m sorry it happened. But if you wanted to know, I have thought about you being my first too.”</p><p>That left Kagome floored and she didn’t know what to say.</p><p>“You mean you haven’t…before, either?” she finally asked softly.</p><p>“No. Not even close.”</p><p>In some strange way, that did make her feel a little better. The fact that Inuyasha had even considered being intimate with her meant that he trusted her, and that spoke volumes because he was more distrustful than anything. </p><p>“Okay I lied, this really is the last thing—can I kiss you?”</p><p>“Yes, please,” Kagome told him, tilting her face up toward his. </p><p>Inuyasha brought a hand to her face and the two shared a sweet, chaste kiss. Just before Kagome settled her head back down on his chest, Inuyasha smoothed back her fringe and pressed his lips to her forehead. When his fingers moved to the back of her head, lightly stroking her hair, Kagome felt her entire body relax and she sank further into Inuyasha’s embrace. </p><p>“Kagome?”</p><p>“Hmm?”</p><p>“Are you asleep yet?”</p><p>“Not yet,” she answered, telling herself she soon would be if he continued playing with her hair. </p><p>“I feel… better when you’re around. Everything is better. Sorry if that sounds stupid.”</p><p>“It doesn’t sound stupid at all, because it’s the same for me.”</p><p>“I suppose it’s selfish but when all this shit is over, I hope you stay with me. I want to be this close to you every night.”</p><p>“Hopefully closer,” Kagome teased between yawns, gesturing to the barrier of clothing and blankets between them. Her eyelids had grown heavy but if foregoing sleep meant she’d be able to hear more of Inuyasha’s unconventional declarations, then she’d stay up until sunrise. </p><p>“Okay, I’m definitely shutting up now. Go to sleep.”</p><p>Kagome smiled into his chest. She wanted to tell him that she didn’t mind, but the sensation of his claws raking through her hair made her eyes feel like lead, and she was fast asleep within seconds.</p>
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